Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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