@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
