He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
