I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
