You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
