She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
