Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
