Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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