You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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