I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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