Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize