So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
