i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
