May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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