dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
