Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
