i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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