Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
