Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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