Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize