I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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