i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
