As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
