Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
