I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
