He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize