my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize