if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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