Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize