I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
