Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
