She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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