I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
