i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
