theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
