just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
