no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
