My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
