I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
