there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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