I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
