oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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