I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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