Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
