Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
