Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize