just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
