I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
