I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
