my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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