Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
