Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
