i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
