so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
