So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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