i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
