I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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