Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
