i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
