sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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