Im at strip club and am horny
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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