Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
