yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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