grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
