all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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