hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
