iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
