I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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