Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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